The Last Chance Democracy Cafe

If imitation is truly the sincerest form of flattery, then China is flattering George W. Bush in a big way right now. In fact, you’d almost think they’ve copied his mantra from the “war on terror” word for word.
 
Just label your opponents as terrorists, Bush clearly has taught them, and you can get away with doing just about anything to them.

China Alleges Tibet ‘Suicide Squads’

BEIJING (AP) – China escalated its rhetoric against supporters of the Dalai Lama on Tuesday, accusing the Nobel Peace laureate’s backers of planning suicide attacks.

The Tibetan government-in-exile dismissed the allegation, saying it remained dedicated to the nonviolent struggle long promoted by their Buddhist leader.

“Tibetan exiles are 100 percent committed to nonviolence. There is no question of suicide attacks. But we fear that Chinese might masquerade as Tibetans and plan such attacks to give bad publicity to Tibetans,” said Samdhong Rinpoche, prime minister of the government in exile in Dharmsala, India.

Public Security Ministry spokesman Wu Heping said searches of monasteries had turned up 176 guns, 13,013 bullets, 19,000 sticks of dynamite, 7,725 pounds of unspecified explosives, two hand grenades, and 350 knives.

He provided no details or evidence.

Now, that was darn convenient, wasn’t it? I mean, the Chinese have been taking a pasting in the world press for their actions in arresting and killing monks for the “crime” of peacefully protesting: something that’s especially inconvenient right now as they prepare to host the Olympic Games. For some crazy reason, it turns out that it’s hard to get the maximal PR benefit from all that torch carrying, swimming and track and field when, at the same time, you’re beating the crap out of innocent people.
 
Ah, but thankfully, the great teacher, Master Bush, has all the answers they need.
 
“All you need to do, grasshoppers,” he metaphorically advises the adoring Chinese leaders, “is to call the monks and other protesters terrorists . . . perhaps you can even accuse them of planning to carry out suicide attacks.”
 
“But how will we respond, Master Bush,” asks one of the Chinese leaders, “if world leaders start demanding to see the evidence?”
 
“Evidence?” laughs Bush derisively. “Evidence is for wimps. Just tell them that the monks are terrorists because you say they’re terrorists. That’s all the evidence they need. Surely, as the leaders of a dictatorship . . . and by the way I envy you for that . . . you guys believe in the unitary executive.”
 
“But we must confess, oh great master,” one of the Chinese leaders says quietly, “sometimes our treatment of prisoners can be harsh and some of our interrogation practices might be considered torture . . .”
 
Bush interrupts, “These are terrorists we’re talking about here, remember? None of that prissy Geneva Convention crap even applies. I tell you what: I’ll have John Yoo give you a call.”
 
“But we’ve also been known to hold prisoners in secret,” another of the Chinese adds, “keeping them locked away without access to lawyers or even their families. Surely that will cause us problems.”
 
Bush smiled. “Let me say just two beautiful little words to you . . . Guantanamo Bay. Don’t sweat it boys. You’ll be just fine.” 

Bowing deeply, Chinese President Hu Jintao, speaking for his group, respectfully says, “Thank you so much, Master Bush, I don’t know what we would do without you.”
 
Bush returns the bow. “Well, it would make your job a hell of a lot harder. That’s for sure.”
 
*  *  *
 
(A note from Steve: A cafe reader has started a new website dedicated to the Tibetan situation. Give it a look.)

This entry was posted by Steve on Wednesday, April 2nd, 2008 at 9:16 am and is filed under Comment. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.